Novel Review

For my latest assignment in class, we had to write a review of our imaginary story that has recently become the number one book in the world. We had to discuss how we wrote the book and the premise of the story. But with my sarcasm, I decided to take it in a different direction.


Delusions of Grandeur



With my latest novel “Sunset” having now sold millions of copies and being translated in fifteen different languages, jealousy has reared its ugly head through the form of some rather snide critics. So in an attempt to dispel the rumors that have come about concerning the similarities between my book and that of the “Twilight” series by Stephanie Meyer, I have chosen to write this article to clear up the confusion and set the critics straight.

I would like to start with the premise of my novel and how it greatly differs from Mrs. Meyer’s. My book is about the love of a vampire girl named Stella and a human male named Eddie, which right away should dispel any rumors of plagiarism. The two meet while attending the same nighttime college classes in the small town of Spoons Washington, and after courting for two fantastically awkward dates, fall madly in love with each other. Despite the co-dependent relationship and vows for an eternal life together, Stella is also forced to deal with her best friend Jack, who is a recently turned werepoodle, which has decided he has fallen for Stella as well.

Meanwhile, the clan of Greek vampires known as the Voltrons, that are the ruling class of vampires, find out of the unacceptable love between the beast and its food. This leads to a complication in which Stella must find a way to rescue Eddie from the clutches of the Greek clan as well as keeping from devouring her soul mate herself. After a tremendous buildup to the battle, my book actually has a fight scene, which in turn leads to Stella deciding that the Greek clan makes a pretty solid argument and decides that her whiny and dependent mortal love interest would make a better meal than an eternal companion. After devouring her life mate, Stella turns to the Voltrons for help in taming the werepoodle and making him her new eternal pet companion.

While the critics may have deluded themselves that I stole the idea from the “Twilight” saga, I actually spent weeks doing serious research to add the necessary credibility for my novel. The vast majority of my research came from www.vampiresarereal.com, a website designed by a group of teenagers that live in Nebraska. This website provided valuable insight into the history of vampire lore. While Stephanie Meyer’s vampires sparkled like diamonds in the sun, I came to the conclusion, with the help of the website, that vampires were actually an albino race of humans with heightened skin sensitivity to sunlight.

The other part of my research came with the main inspiration to write my story. I was watching The Smashing Pumpkins in an outdoor concert and the idea came to me as I observed the bald-headed and pasty-white lead singer on stage. I was swaying on the gassy field as the man sang the melodic tune “Tonight” with the bright blue lights shining off of his bald head, I found tears forming in my eyes and the idea that I too could impact millions with my words struck me. With no musical ability and having taking a creative writing course in college, I decided that writing a book would be the easiest way to reach the masses of people around the world with what I had to say. Between tear filled hours listening to my collection of Smashing Pumpkins while lying in bed and perusing my old creative writing textbook, I came up with the concept of writing “Sunset”.

I spent the next months in isolation writing down ideas as they came to me on little sticky notes as well as compiling the information from the vampire website in my daughter’s Hello Kitty journal, since it was the only journal we had in our house at the time. Once I was able to collect enough information and decide on how the story would evolve, I began my writing. The book took me over two treacherous months to write, and in the end I had found a story to be proud to share with the world.

Unfortunately, if it hadn’t been for that tragic microwave dinner fire, which destroyed my family’s home including my walls of sticky notes, the Hello Kitty journal, as well as the only dated copy of my book, I would have been able to publish my book well before Stephanie Meyer had dreamed up her little series. Since I was forced to re-write my book from memory at the local homeless shelter, my book wasn’t able to be published until a year after the “Twilight” saga, which in turn led the many critics to question my honor of coming up with the idea for my book by myself. However, I think that this paper and the fact that millions of people are in love with my story, should clarify the misconceived notion that I stole anything for the development of my book. I only hope that with my future unpublished novel “The Magical Harold”, a story of a little boy with magical powers that must stop the evil Mortimor from destroying the world, will be well more accepted for its originality.